A Note to Gayle

THIS POST , written to note my recent 57th birthday, brought a comment left for me by Gayle:

"interesting entry, I am torn between agreeing with all you say and thinking you are self centered. I am older than you but in the same place. I would love to share a meal with you all."

It hurt my feelings, and immediately put me on the defensive. Everything in me wanted to delete it, or delete the entire post. I'm good at confrontation like that :-)

Just today I read Charles Swindoll's words, from Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back, on the subject of being misunderstood, "Few things are more difficult to live with than being misunderstood. Sometimes it's downright unbearable."

This verse, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:6 comes to mind.

It happens that yesterday was a particularly crummy day, one that started early by being misunderstood by someone else, who - like Gayle - doesn't really know me, and made a judgment call on my character from a few words, or even words passed on but not repeated correctly, with my heart behind them. So to have someone, even when it's someone I'll likely never meet, think that I might be self-centered, made it a two-days-in-a-row of feeling a bit beat up.

I've got a lot of flaws. Things that aren't so great about my personality, like I HATE conflict, run from it. I'm crazy-sensitive and get my feelings hurt way too easily. I want everyone to like me and love me would be even better. I want to fix everything and everyone so that their world is, as I see it, perfect. (a particular favorite of my family!) I tend to jump in too quickly, then back-peddle when I feel overwhelmed. I am not a great housekeeper and put off those jobs that I don't love. I stay up too late, and eat too much candy and am crummy at math. I buy too many books and tend to go on kicks.

But I've never been accused of being self-centered by anyone who really knows me.

This world we live in - of words sent lightning-speed by text and email and messenger - on the upside makes it easy to stay in touch. Think pioneer days when it took months to hear from someone across the country. On the downside it's easy to say words we shouldn't and often wish we could take back. It removes the human touch of leaning into a conversation, really looking into someone's eyes as we speak or listen, sharing tears as we hurt with them. It takes away tongue in cheek, smiles and laughter or that 'just kidding' look on our face. It removes the social graces of taking turns - you talk while I listen, then I talk and you listen.

Having a blog is a choice, my choice, and allowing anonymous comments is also. In the five or so years I've been blogging I've only had a handful of comments that hurt. That's not bad as scores go.

I read somewhere - when you receive words that hurt and feel unfair, look for the grain of truth and take it. Learn from it, and move on.

So I'm leaving the comment. I'm thinking about it. Thinking about what I might have said that made me come across as self-centered to someone who does not know me.

Yes, Gayle, if you want to ever share a meal and we're within 100 miles of each other I'm quite happy to make the drive to sit and talk, face to face, eyes making contact, bodies leaning in as we each listen long and hard. If that meal never happens, I hope you'll take the time to read other posts on my blog and see my heart. I'm praying you'll see words that reflect Colossians 4:6, get a better picture of who and Whose I am than this particular post gave you.

My settings allow anyone to comment and as long as they aren't obscene I'll leave them. (My comment box does, after all, say "let me know what's on your mind.") I'll read them, look for the grain of truth and go from there.