I'm here, sort of. A week of every single emotion a person could have, a family pack of nine crashing into each other, and sometimes holding on for dear life. We gathered together to honor my brother's life, then scattered again, heading back to where we each belonged.
After flying home for 24 hours to Texas, to empty and refill suitcases, then flying to Colorado, and a week of staying in hotels, I'm finally flying back home to Texas today.
There's a huge chunk of me that is so anxious to be with my husband, my dog, my kids there, my bed, my coffee cup, my bathtub, my life. Where everything is pretty much about me, and comfortable and I am distanced from most things difficult.
Everything in me would like to stick my head in the sand and hide.
A part of me is finding it harder to leave my elderly mother behind, in that little one room apartment, than it was to say goodbye to my brother.
I know he's okay. I'm not so sure about her.
And I tend to take the weight of the world on my shoulders, that 'I'll be God today' sort of thing.
The truth is I'm not. And God's still on his throne, and He's got this.
There are other family members stepping in and up to be sure my Mom is okay. That's good since she doesn't really realize things are pretty shaky for her right now.
So if you're out there, prayers please for me to put down what I can't carry, for trust that He's in charge, no matter what it looks like on the outside. And for my sweet, little Mom who is finding it hard to tackle some new challenges right now.
I'll be back soon, and I trust I'll have cheerier reports, from the sunny skies of Texas.